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« Iron Baby | Main
Sunday
May162010

There was a pregnant lady who swallowed a fly

Sometimes this fun little gimmick called pregnancy clogs your pipes. Yesterday, in an effort to unclog, I drank an iced dark chocolate mocha. I'm supposed to limit caffeine but since I am not usually a coffee drinker, my doctor said one a day is more than fine. I like to reserve the caffeine for just such an occasion so I indulged in an afternoon treat at about 3 p.m. figuring I'd hit the throne by dinnertime. No such luck. 

Obviously I have no tolerance for caffeine. It worked a number on my poor nerves. I was a ball of anxious energy all afternoon. Come dinnertime, I decide I could/should indulge in my weekly glass of wine, which is another pass from my doctor. I figured a bold red would calm the nerves so I nursed a glass of merlot with my steak. And when I say nursed, I mean it! I took two hours to drink that one glass. When you only get one per week, you savor it like the blood of Jesus! 

Bedtime rolls around and I am still flying high from the mocha. I try to fall asleep around 10 p.m. but it is futile. I grab my iPad and leave Baby Daddy sound asleep in bed. I play Words With Friends. I fool around on Facebook on Twitter. I read a few chapters of The Girl Who Played With Fire before it starts to freak me out. I feel like a dirty crackhead hot mess. 

2:30 a.m. I decide that Tylenol PM is my only hope for some sleep. My doctor said this was a safe alternative to Melatonin, which I used to enjoy before my pregnancy as a natural sleep aid. To no avail. I read more of my freaky book and start listening for cereal rapists on my block. 

3 a.m. Still staring into oblivion. Baby Daddy marches out and tells me to come back to bed. I finally fall asleep around 3:30 a.m. 

9:30 a.m. I wake up feeling like the world's worst mother. I put my poor baby through so many chemicals in the last 24 hours and I'm feeling guilty. I am allowed a little coffee, a little wine, and a little Tylenol but I don't think it is wise to put my poor little one through all three! And I feel like a jerk for letting it snowball, and all for a little pregnancy backlog. Which makes me feel just like the old lady who swallowed the fly. 

I swallowed the coffee to catch the constipation. 

I swallowed the wine to catch the coffee. 

I swallowed the Tylenol to catch the wine.

I don't know why I swallowed the coffee. Never again! 

My little one has been kicking the dickens out of me all day. I think it's still upset. Mommy is sorry! I won't do that again, I swear! 

Mommy lesson of the day: Learn to be patient and not take such extreme preventative measures. Don't want to be like Grandma Bruan who gave me ex-lax at the age of 6. Slow and natural is far better than being a sleepless constipated Troll doll! 

Reader Comments (1)

I love how you say "baby daddy". it just makes me smile because its how all of my friends refer to their husbands and boyfriends.. even though some dont have children.. yet.. haha

July 8, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterWill

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