Don’t Push My Baby! What is Playground Etiquette?
I took Reese to the playground today. Reese is experimenting with her freedom to crawl all around, under the slide, through the tunnels up the stairs…of course I’m right behind her.
Today there was this three-year-old boy who wanted to play with Reese. He was very sweet and gentle with her at first. Then she started crawling after her and he chased right into her, making her collapse forward. She was fine. The little boy’s mother nonchalantly said, “Be careful,” to him. I thought it was innocent enough. That is until he continued to do it a second time and this time a bit rougher so in the kindest voice I could have said, “She’s a baby, you need to be careful with her so you don’t hurt her.”
A few minutes later Reese was playing on her own sitting up and this same little boy crawled right into her and pushed her down, hovering right over her. She looked up at me frightened like, "Mommy, what's going on?" I nearly lost it. I physically put my hand between the two and said, “Please don’t touch her, you’re hurting her.” Finally, I just picked her up and we went to do a different activity and it was clear to his mom that we did not want to play with her son anymore.
I don’t have a three-year-old little boy and I don’t know what it’s like. So it’s easy for me to say what I’m about to say. As a parent it’s not okay to calmly watch your child intentionally run over or push another child. Even at a very young age kids need to start to understand that this type of behavior won’t fly. It’s not my job to have to tell your child to stop doing something that is hurting another child. In this case said parent was not doing their job so I stepped in and said something.
I am not sure why I am so worked up about this incident. I guess it’s because it’s the first time I’ve seen another child aggressive toward mine. And I’m annoyed that this child’s mom didn’t do anything about it. Is this just being a first-time over-protective parent? Maybe all three year old boys "play" like this?
If a similar situation presented itself to you, what would you do? And if you were the parent of this child, how would you handle it?
Crawling, Playing, playground etiquette, pushing in D. Playing
Reader Comments (5)
I have a (very nearly) 3 yo. (August)
For the first time, my son was pushed down - off a step - at the pool - on to concrete - by an older girl.
The little girl was a year older.
And I can FEEL your fury. I feel it, because I felt it when it happened to Wesley.
I was furious with the lifeguard at the baby pool, who was standing right there, but reading a magazine for not making sure the kids didn't run or push or squabble over turns on the baby slide (I was waiting at the bottom of the slide, in the pool, for my son)
I was angry with the other mother for sitting at the side of the pool and not once coming over and checking my son was okay or apologising for not watching her own daughter.
Kids squabble. And kids this young don't actually HAVE empathy. It's completely normal for this behaviour to come out. But as parents, it's our job to show them that it's not okay to hurt others, and to demonstrate empathy to them, by apologising and making sure that the other child isn't hurt or scared or sad.
Personally, the last thing that Wesley needed from me was to be angry at a little girl, or the little girl's mother. What he needed was for me to kiss his hurts, whisper that everything was going to be okay, cuddle him, and make sure he felt secure and safe. And, I'm sure that's what Reese needed too.
I just want to add - my (very nearly) 3 yo boy has never pushed another child (in my presence)
His "best friend" is a little girl who is 11 months younger, and she pushes him around. She has been known to bite, kick, slap, grab and push him (her mother is always near by and always intervenes.) and he has never retaliated.
I just want to make clear that age and gender don't have anything to do with this type of behaviour - in my humble opinion.
I try to not interfere too much, at least to begin with. I know that as a parent of a singleton, things bother me that parents of siblings overlook. (God knows my brother and I used to knock each other about no end, and if my mother got in the middle every time, she'd have done nothing else.) As long as my son isn't crying, I stay out of it... unless he is the instigator. I feel like he's going to have to learn to deal with pushy people sooner or later.
We did have a problem when he ws one-ish where a friend's older son knocked him down a couple of times, though less deliberately. He was just trying to rush my kid along and Little Dude's short pudgy legs couldn't compete with the older kid's longer ones. I gave a couple of warnings to be gentle, then a warning that if he couldn't be gentle, we'd have to play elsewhere. The latter seemed to do the trick.
I know it's totally impossible in the moment, but I think it's worth thinking about what the older kid really intended. Kids are scientists, sometimes "mad" or "evil" scientists. Likely, he just wondered what she'd do next, and he kept escalating to find out. That's when his mom should have stepped in, but if she didn't, I see no reason why you shouldn't. I know it's a touchy subject, but I personally am A-OK with someone verbally correcting my son, if he's being pushy. I'm not psychic and don't catch him every time.
A final thought - my 2.5 year old is, in a lot of ways, still a baby, and doesn't really think about how his actions make other people feel. We have a zero tolerance policy on hitting. Little dude was spending a ton of time in time-out for hitting anyway. We couldn't figure out what was up. Finally, after a lot of puzzling Toddler-to-English, we worked out that he was hitting us in order to make us "sad" so that he could kiss us in order to make us "happy". We had a long discussion about how it was unnecessary to make someone sad first in order to make them happy. Seriously, kid, WTF? How did you come up with that crazy idea?
Alex,
I have a 3 year old and 10 month old, so I can totally relate. My 3 year old has been on both sides of the spectrum...the one being pushed and the one that has pushed. If I see that my daughter did something mean/aggressive, or if someone tells me that she did, I don't let her get away with it. You are right, it's not your job to parent the other child, however some people are quite obvlivious...or in some cases are plagued by the "my child can do no wrong" syndrome. What's considered "rough" to one parent might be considered "playing" to another. I'm no expert, but I think you handled it fine.
At the park by our house, I've had to step in quite a few times, to ask kids to stop whatever it was they were doing-mostly for safety purposes or being crazy in the "toddler" area when they were big elementry aged kids. I've yet to get into a confrontation with a parent for "checking" their kid either.
If you had stayed put and let your daughter keep playing there, and if the child kept "bullying" your daughter, I would've had no problem kindly asking the other mother if she could please talk to her child about keeping his hands to himself...if that didn't work I would probably say something a little more direct. I'm not too confrontational of a person, so if it was uncomfortable, I'd just remove my child from the situation.
It's a whole new ballgame once your child is in a place where he/she is mixing w/ bigger kids. Be careful Reese! : )
Well, as a mom to a 3 year old boy (and an 19 month old boy), I can say that if that mom were me, I would have totally stepped in. When my oldest was younger, he of course was pushed around by the older kids, and it drove me nuts, so I always make sure to step in when my kids are doing the same.
With that said, my 3 year old is typically good around the younger ones just because he has a younger brother to relate to.
Boys will be boys and they are usually more aggressive sometimes without even knowing it, but I feel it's the parents responsibility to teach them when enough is enough.
If it were me in your shoes, I would have just diverted my child's attention and moved her just as you did.