The Tantrum Throwdown
Tuesday, August 9, 2011 at 1:04AM
Since hitting the nine month mark, my little girl has started throwing occasional temper tantrums. Ok, she probably threw them before but they weren’t so obvious. Now, if you do something she doesn’t like such as put her down when she wants up, take away a non-baby object (remote, cord, etc.) or put her in her car seat, she arches her back – very fast – and screams. It was kind of cute the first time but now I’m trying to find a way to solve the problem.
Thus far, I’ve primarily been patient, meaning holding her in the position until she gets tired and moves on to something else or resigns to the fact that she is in her car seat so she might as well get used to it. This usually takes about 5 seconds which isn’t so bad but I feel that I could avoid some of these if I better interpreted how she felt. Do you think signing would help? Have your babies thrown tantrums – what’s your secret to getting past them? She's an unusually happy baby so I am not complaining. I know she’s expected to throw some now and again – I just want to do what I can to make her happy and still discipline her.
Reader Comments (4)
I can't wait to read these responses! My daughter has been throwing them since she was about 6 months old. The back arching and screaming has morphed into hard kicking while arching the back. It's hard to hold her when she does this! We used to try to distract her from her distress by singing, etc, and sometimes we even had to get loud to get her attention over the screaming. Now that she's more of a little person, we just talked about making sure we don't ramp up our volume when she does - so that she doesn't get the signal that being loud is normal in the house, and so that she gets the signal that we don't behave that way. And also - trying to distract her from an all-out tantrum seems almost like a forceful response. I think the more appropriate response may just be understanding and allowing her to express herself for a few moments, responding with warm words, and THEN distracting. We are trying to sign with our daughter because she is easily frustrated, but so far she hasn't done any signs herself. I hope she starts picking them up and we can add to the signs we are teaching her. I know that the tantrums at this age are mostly about trying to express herself and not feeling understood.
I guess I never saw these as tantrums--just little outbursts of frustration. Aside from making sure your baby isn't hungry or tired, I don't think there is anything you can do to prevent them. I usually just say something like, "I understand you're frustrated, but you have to sit in the car seat when we go for a ride in the car." It doesn't necessarily stop the fussing, but at least I'm acknowledging his feelings. I also find that distraction works well--"Do you see the doggie walking by?" "Where's your telephone, let's call Elmo!"
I think that you're on the right track. Never give a child what he/she wants when having a tantrum or even crying unless you want to encourage more of the same type of misbehaving.
We never had much problems like that with our children, mainly because my husband was taking care of them when they were that young and he would never reinforce that kind of behavior.
Miles has started to throw himself on the floor and hide his face in his arms if I take something away or tell him no. He is upset that he can't have whatever I have taken from him and upset that I am upset. I take Nathalee's tactic. I acknowledge his feeling and then try to move on and distract.
"Okay, you're so angry. I understand. The cabinets look like they have a lot of fun stuff to play with but it's dangerous in there. Let's go find your toys, huh?"
I don't give in to what he wants, I think that is a huge mistake right off the bat, and if I say no, I stick to it. But I also don't overreact. I try to be empathetic that physical display is the only way he knows how to express his emotions. If he is still doing it when he has an entire lexicon of words to choose from, we'll have a different problem.