I can't stop thinking about that awful story from this week where a woman's nanny killed her two children. It's so awful that I can't bring myself to hyperlink. If you haven't read it, save yourself the details. It's so terrible.
This morning my son Miles was cleaning the pee that splashed out of the potty while he was going. I walked up to him and he took his pee-soaked hands and put them on my cheeks. And you know what? I didn't care. Not at all. Because he was with me, happy and healthy.
I kept thinking that this woman could have been me or any of us. My last apartment was just blocks from where she lives. Her husband works for the same company I work for. I could have passed her on the streets. I could have interviewed that nanny.
And now I can't stop asking myself how one could possibly go on after losing all that is precious. She will have to pull it together for her surviving child and that will be her life's biggest challenge.
The thing I can't seem to shake is that she doesn't get any more pee-soaked hugs from her babies. She doesn't get any more tantrums or spit-ups or sibling fights. She will watch other families together and have to fight the thought that life is unfair. And she will be right to think that. Life can be so unfair.
I usually try to avoid stories like this. I can't allow myself the hypothetical "How would that feel" because it consumes me. But this story is hard to avoid and the four of us MommyBetas couldn't help but email one another about this in despair. I just can't put it out of my mind this weekend, even as we prepare for Hurricane Sandy.
I was discussing this with my husband last night and I put it this way: "Sometimes I feel so consumed with the notion of keeping you all safe that I would almost rather not live another day and risk that you might not be. It sound crazy but the stakes are almost too high when you have a family and every night I go to bed and pray that the three of your hearts beat as long as mine does and longer than that."
For what it is worth, the four of us MommyBetas have hearts that bleed for this family and any family who has suffered a loss like this. Bless them. With all of our hearts, bless them.