It Could Have Been Any Of Us
Saturday, October 27, 2012 at 8:22PM
I can't stop thinking about that awful story from this week where a woman's nanny killed her two children. It's so awful that I can't bring myself to hyperlink. If you haven't read it, save yourself the details. It's so terrible.
This morning my son Miles was cleaning the pee that splashed out of the potty while he was going. I walked up to him and he took his pee-soaked hands and put them on my cheeks. And you know what? I didn't care. Not at all. Because he was with me, happy and healthy.
I kept thinking that this woman could have been me or any of us. My last apartment was just blocks from where she lives. Her husband works for the same company I work for. I could have passed her on the streets. I could have interviewed that nanny.
And now I can't stop asking myself how one could possibly go on after losing all that is precious. She will have to pull it together for her surviving child and that will be her life's biggest challenge.
The thing I can't seem to shake is that she doesn't get any more pee-soaked hugs from her babies. She doesn't get any more tantrums or spit-ups or sibling fights. She will watch other families together and have to fight the thought that life is unfair. And she will be right to think that. Life can be so unfair.
I usually try to avoid stories like this. I can't allow myself the hypothetical "How would that feel" because it consumes me. But this story is hard to avoid and the four of us MommyBetas couldn't help but email one another about this in despair. I just can't put it out of my mind this weekend, even as we prepare for Hurricane Sandy.
I was discussing this with my husband last night and I put it this way: "Sometimes I feel so consumed with the notion of keeping you all safe that I would almost rather not live another day and risk that you might not be. It sound crazy but the stakes are almost too high when you have a family and every night I go to bed and pray that the three of your hearts beat as long as mine does and longer than that."
For what it is worth, the four of us MommyBetas have hearts that bleed for this family and any family who has suffered a loss like this. Bless them. With all of our hearts, bless them.
Reader Comments (11)
Your words brought tears to my eyes.
I am not a mom (yet) but the thought of losing all that is dear to me is almost too much to imagine. Unbearable. We can never take a moment of life for granted. There are times when I feel anxious of all the things that COULD happen. My husband has been on several deployments and now is now a police officer. I won't lie, I've spent many nights allowing my mind to think the worst.
Your feelings are normal reactions that any loving mother/person would have. Your words are warm and heartfelt.
I am reminded of Philippians 4: 6-7. "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."
Thank you for speaking on behalf of mommies young and old!!! My youngest is 30 and I pray that same prayer you pray each night!!! Mommy feelings are with us to the grave and beyond!!! Wonderful blog!!!
A child - the greatest joy and the greatest heartbreak. A mother's love knows no end. As I thought about that story I thought of my own babies. They are grown men, 28 and 29 years old. My baby is expecting his baby In January. My heart already aches for that unborn child that will experience heartbreak and sadness. Thanks for posting your thoughts and as moms and grandmothers (to be) we can only do the best with what we have for the short time we are allowed to share in their lives.
Hi,
Not a Mommy, however; I am touched by your post and I, too, feel very bad for this Mommy! I want to thank you for pouring your "real" thoughts regarding a horrible incident in this forum! I try not to think of hypothetical situations of any kind let alone one so tragic, but I do and it gets me into trouble (weighs on me when I need to be concentrating on other issues in my life).
I hope and pray for you to work through this. One day at a time.........
Best of luck to you with your writing! You do have a gift! I love to write as well!
God Bless!
Patrick
I don't have the answers how someone would get through that...maybe my friends here have an answer, or are getting one. Their young son went to heaven after a battle with cancer: https://www.facebook.com/groups/341734999207183/?fref=ts
Your babies are young and they are blessed, as is your husband, to have a mom / wife that loves them to that degree and intensity. I am 50 with children ranging from 29 to 8 and my two grand babies preparing for their second birthday and let me share with you a secret. It doesn't get any easier. That love and fear and compulsion to keep them safe and steer them in the right direction - toward safety, security and peace... never gets easier. As mothers, we may get more skilled at hiding this fear from them, because we don't want to overwhelm them with our insecurities, but it will always linger in the last words we say to them each and every day and the relief we feel when they walk back into your home and your arms where you can keep them safe one more night. God bless you and your family. I feel so privileged to be able to share your pictures that your husband posts of his loved ones. Continue on in with your primary goal... to love your sweet babies in addition to your other successes.
I am 43 years old and just had my 3rd baby in February. This may not sound like a big deal to most of you however, keep in mind that I also have a 16 year old ( Madison) and a 14 year old (McKenna). I had been trying since the birth of McKenna in 1998 to have another baby. After 2 miscarriages and almost 14 years later, it finally happened. I cannot tell you how much joy and love I have for this little boy. I cannot imagine life without him. He truly makes our crazy house a "home" My 2 teenage daughters have become so close to him. It is so sweet to see them all play together. My husband and I get to relive the Easter Bunny and Santa Clause days and I wouldn't give that up for anything. Babies are a gift from god. My heart and my prayers go out to this family. I cannot imagine the grief they must be feeling at this time.
Once a mom, always a mom. I remember my mother telling me that she would be concerned/worried about her girls (me and my sister) for always; no matter that we are grown and have our own families. I know what she meant now. My youngest is 26 and just started a new teaching job--Being a teacher myself, I am able to help her but I still worry about her success in life just as I worry about my other two children. But I thank God that I have my three precious children. I can't imagine losing them. My prayers and thoughts are with her. God bless.
Love the bible verse posted by Brittney...I have to tell myself that probably 10 times a day but it works!! Another book that helps is "the power of a praying parent" by Stormie Omartian. It's an old book but has a lot of good insight and prayers. Just remember that your children are a gift from God and he picked YOU to care for HIs children for a reason!! Keep up the good work!!
Mother of 3 (and another on the way!)
This is one of those stories that anger me. I have so much compassion for this mother and father that lost their children. I can't imagine the pain. I do have another anger, though, that we have so many children not being parented by their parents. These stories are rampant. I hear of local stories like this and foster children being tossed from family to family. I wish more parents would choose to make the work sacrifice and stay at home to raise their own children. There are too many children being raised by nannies, baby sitters, day cares, etc. We are so obsessed with the career and buying the big house etc. Our children want their mommies or daddies with them, not some paid assistant. This has gone too far.
Your post really touched me. I have a 13 month old at home. My heart goes out to that Mom, you are right that could have been any of us. She could have interviewed well and we could have all made the mistake of hiring her to watch our kid
I cannot imagine life without my little one. Last night he could not sleep because he had a cold, it didn't matter that I had to work a 12 hours the next morning or that I was pregnant, I was up through the night, got his nasal spray and just held him. I did not think I had it in me to love someone so much. We are so blessed to have healthy kids, each day is a gift. Only God knows really how I long I get to experience share this time with him