I do not recognize myself today and I don't just mean my reflection. My doctor says that the baby could come at any time and this waiting is making me a person that even I don't want to be around.
All of my positive thinking and meditation is failing me miserably. Or rather, I am failing miserably at my positive thinking and meditation.
I cry. Over really stupid things. Like the fact that my mom is stressed out waiting for my delivery. Or that my significant other deserves someone happier and thinner than me. Or the fact that I can't see my laptop screen.
I want to b*tch slap anyone who says any of the following:
- You look really great though!
- Any minute now!
- You're still here?
- No baby yet?
- Hang in there, it's almost over!
I vacillate between loving all of my friends and family and wanting to weep over how lucky I am to have them, to wishing they would never speak to me again. Said vacillation can happen in the span of about 15 seconds.
I have to try to control this! When the baby comes, I am going to feel like a total jerk for not being more graceful and calm about this hormonal running of the bulls but right now it feels like I am going to be like this forever! I know how stupid and childish this is and knowing that just makes it worse!
I need to, as one of my favorite producers says, "Shut it down!" When she says that to me, we are usually on assignment in some other city. "Shut it down!" means that I need to go back to the hotel, order room service, and stop speaking words out loud for the rest of the night. She knows me so well. So that is what I am going to do. It is Friday, I just finished my long day of Apple coverage. We have a new episode of Top Chef freshly downloaded at home. I'm shutting it down. I'll give positive another try tomorrow. Any inspiration you've got is more than welcome in the comments below!