The New Happy Hour

Instead of meeting up at a bar, we gathered in my living room filled with an exersaucer, play mat, books and toys galore. We enjoyed a glass of wine and snacks while our babies played with each other. The conversation revolved around sleep (nap times, night sleep, routines, sleep training…it amazes me how this topic never tires), feedings (many of us are enjoying the introduction of solids), our husbands (their involvement with their babies), the joys and challenges of motherhood so far, this, that and the other. This happy hour is a great way for me to incorporate some of my old life back into the mix and stay social.

The Special Bond Between Mothers (doesn’t need to include wine)

Getting together with a group of moms is like getting together with some of your closest friends even if you've only just met. We can talk about our babies incessantly without being totally annoying; we can laugh and sympathize with each other at first time parenting blunders (I accidently fed Taz too much milk once and it all came back up). But for me, mostly it's a safe place, kind of a support group where there are other moms who are going through similar experiences. It also gives you and opportunity to brainstorm and ask questions. There is a special bond between mothers that's hard for me to explain but if you're a new mom you know where I'm coming from.

This is the bond that I share fellow Mommy Betas Natali, Jennifer and Nathalee. I don’t know what I’d do with out them.  I think I cried straight for the first couple of months after brining home Taz and they were all there for me more than they could ever know. They are amazing Mothers, wives and friends and I'm so fortunate to get to share my experience of motherhood with them.

Mommy Groups…for that matter Daddy Groups too

I’m a huge advocate of Mommy groups.  If you aren’t a part of one I think it’s a great idea. For those who work full time, even if you can’t attend a mother’s group in person sometimes it’s nice to be able to ask questions over email or just communicate with other mothers online. This goes for Daddies too!

I think I found my new Friday afternoon activity. Cheers to the new happy hour! How do you keep social with other mommies and daddies?



Got Help? A Big Thanks to Family and Friends

Throughout my pregnancy my Mom and my in-laws offered to come and stay with me and Josh after we had the baby to "help" us out. Time and time again I kindly rejected the offers thinking things like:

"I can do this on my own, I don't need/won't want any help" or
"Josh and I need this time to ourselves to start our family" or
"If I accept help does that mean the grandparents will get to feed, change, play with baby while I cook, clean and do laundry?"

I guess there was also a big part of me that associated accepting help with me not being a capable mother. Well I can say I was naive to think any of this and have since accepted all the help I can get from all interested parties. We've had the luxury of having extremely involved grandparents and friends who continue to show support.

Family

Our parents have taken turns staying with us. In fact my Mother just left after being here for the past week. Last week Josh's Mom was here and Josh's Dad and step-mom arrive tomorrow. It's been a huge help. They do things from grocery shopping, laundry, dishes, cleaning, changing Reese, feeding Reese, babysitting while I catch a nap... the list goes on.

If your family offers help, I suggest seriously taking them up on it. I don't think anyone can really be prepared for a newborn no matter how many books you've read, children you've babysat for and advice you've received. No one can prepare you for the hard stuff that's all worth it. We've successfully made it to week three and find that every day gets better! 

Extended Family 

I'm touched everyday by the love and support we continue to receive from our friends ranging from hospital visits, emails, phone calls and meals! Friends asked what they could do to help after Reese was born and Josh and I agreed that meals would be the most helpful. Just some of the dishes our friends have brought to us include:

Meat Balls
Beef Strew
Tacos
Halibut with pasta and salad
Lasagna
Thai food
Sushi
Tri tip with broccoli salad

Having food on hand has been a tremendous help. After a long day of pumping, changing, feeding and calming baby Reese, the last thing I have time to do is cook (even though I LOVE to cook and can't wait to get back to it).

The point: Consider accepting help from family and friends! Be clear with those who offer, exactly how they can help you.


It's Bird, It's a Plane, It's Super Dad!

...Together we make this extraordinary and powerful team and we can do anything together. Being part of a team means competing, working, living, winning and losing together. It means greater friendship and understanding success and failure together. As a member of our team, I rely on the team, defer to it and sacrifice for it... - Josh and Alex, wedding vows, November 15, 2008

I can honestly say I couldn't have gotten past this first two weeks of motherhood without the support of my husband Josh. Our wedding vows say it all. We hold the perspective that we are a team and thus work together as a team.

Super Daddy To the Rescue

Because of my c-section and minor complications that followed I was unable to do basic things like pick up Tazzy or change her diaper for the few days and Josh immediately stepped up to the plate doing most of her diaper changes, many bottle feedings and keeping watch over her while I recovered in the hospital. He commented that every father should have to go through this (minus the wife having to recover of course) because it because it gave him time to bond with his daughter and immersed him into daddy hood and responsibility from the get go.   

Since we've been home Daddy Josh has been amazing! I look at the way he holds her and stares when she's sleeping. He has this look of a very proud father who just had his heart stolen by his baby girl. Every time I see this I fall more in love with him (something I didn't think was possible).                                                                                                                                                                                              
Roles and Responsibilities

It's important for Dads to feel like they have a role in helping take care of their newborn. Josh and I don't really have assigned roles and responsibilities but what has worked for us is being in tune with Tazzy's needs while being in tune with each other and our needs. For example, I don't have trouble getting up at night and going back to sleep so I've been trying to take on a majority of the night duties. This morning I was absolutely exhausted and Josh got up and took Tazzy while I got a good two hours of sleep. It's amazing what two hours will do for a sleep deprived gal!

I've heard of couples where the mother does everything! Takes care of baby (changing, feeding, bathing, etc) plus all of the regular household chores (cleaning, laundry, etc) and cooking. I know one couple where the Dad was very hands-off, so much so he didn't even change diapers and complained when he had to do anything for the baby. This is ridiculous and makes me realize that I'm so lucky to have a husband who enjoys being so hands-on. He is definitely my partner in crime!    

Make Sure to Ask
                                                                                                                                     
Men are not mind readers. If you'd like your husband or partner to be more hands-on I suggest first thinking about what you need help with or what you would like to see more of. What do you envision? Once you've collected these thoughts and have a good idea of what you want, plan to have a conversation with him. I suggest that this conversation does not take place after you've had a long day with the baby or are frustrated with your husband's lack of support. Your husband could take this as being attacked, when all you're really wanting to do is request his support. Instead set aside a specific time to talk to him (maybe when the baby is taking a nap and/or after you've had time to decompress).

Good luck!